Today I am going to be sappy and mushy and kind of gross! Today I am thankful for N. Well I am thankful for him every day but today I am writing about him. I pray before I go to bed, I pray and ask God for the wisdom and the strength to carry on and make good choices and to just be myself and be the best I can be. I used to end every prayer with please let me find a man that will accept me for me and not hit me or beat me and won't try to change me. N is that man that I have been praying for! :)
Oh my gosh I'm sure I sound super cheesy and lame when I say that but I'm serious. Today I want to write about why I am so thankful that God put this wonderful man into my life. For some reason this week hasn't been the best, Tuesday wasn't too bad, when he came up and saw me, I had so much fun and felt so happy! He lives about an hour from me so he drove an hour up to see me and then took me to dinner and spent time with me! It was so wonderful! I had so much fun! It's always like that when we are together, we laugh and smile and talk about anything and everything.
I was really stressed because I'm having a hard time finding a job and accidentally started to turn a little bit bitchy, I was being mean and snappy and I didn't mean to be, but he was trying to tell me that everything would be okay. And I know that he means the best and that he wanted me to look at the bright side and stop letting things get me down, but damn it! I just couldn't. He has a job, it's easy for him to say things like that, and I was getting so frustrated with him. Unlike anyone I've ever known this man stuck with me and pushed and wouldn't let me bully him around. He talked me down from a place that I haven't been in a long time. I was ready to get out of the car and start bashing my head on the ground that's how upset I was.
Then he did something that once again shocked me.. he told me he would help me. I'm so used to my family and people telling me to figure things out and do it on my own that when he said he would help me I was blown away. I was upset because one of the only places I think I can get a job is in another city about 20 mins away, that's not really the problem, the problem is that I can't come up with the gas money to drive back and forth until I start getting paid. He told me to apply, he said that he would make sure I have the money to drive back and forth and make it to work so that I can get a job..
I know it doesn't sound like much, but in that moment, in that moment sitting there, looking at him, wanting to scream and cry because I was so upset, in that moment I fell in love with N. I fell in love with this man who goes above and beyond for me every day. I fell in love with someone who treats me better than I could have ever asked. I am thankful for God answering my prayer and giving me this man that I fell in love with.
Oh R,(this will be my name for you from now on :), I just loved this post! You sound so much like a younger version of me. How shocking, and how wonderful it is to find yourself in a situation where it is safe to rant and express frustration without fear or without being ignored, and then to have someone acutally wanting to take care of you! N cares, he listens to your worries and wants to be part of the solution. Sounds like you just might have a keeper here, hang on tight, and keep loving him back! Good luck with the job situation, I'll be praying for you! PS - Real love can never be too cheesy, it is amazing!! :-)
ReplyDeleteMs Two Shoes has sent me by the way. I hope you can tolerate my bluntness and honesty. TS has asked us to support you and I am all for that. I have needed much support through the years. I have made many choices, some good, some bad. That is the way we learn and grow.
ReplyDeleteIt is very kind of your friend to offer to help. Accept it but also keep up with the amount and pay him back. You will feel better for that. If you do not may him back, that is using him. You do not need to start a relationship that way.
He sounds like a very good person but take your time. Enjoy and do not rush it. It is wonderful that he listens and has talked you through your temper. Temper is not a good sign for you. Talk it through calmly. Nothing, I mean, NOTHING is worth mistreating yourself because you can't see a solution. There is one there. Just stop, take a deep breath and look at it again. You can always find a solution.
The power is within you and you alone. We do not measure our worth or skills by how those work in a relationship.
When you find your true self and are comfortable with her, everything else will simply fall into place.
You are headed in the right direction. Good luck.
PS...ALWAYS proof read your comments unlike I did! May should be pay!!! See, I'm ancient and wise and still goof up. We are human. That is the most beautiful thing and sometimes the most ugly thing about us. We are human. Don't be so hard on yourself.
DeleteHi... Josie sent me over, even though I've been here before...
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that your post just brought me to tears and this is why:
A LOT of us have been through hell on earth and we all express ourselves our own ways... I write novels about it so that others who have not experienced it can feel it and stop saying, "Why didn't she leave", "Is she stupid to stay", "Why won't you trust anyone?" (Well, you get the picture).
AND I am a firm believer in a few things:
1. All things happen for a reason
2. There is no such thing as a coincidence
3. There are angels amongst us to help us when we really need them.
It sounds a lot to me like you have met an angel.... the fact that you are so akeen to his kindness and ability to bring you down from the ledge just makes it even more worthwhile.
Make sure to stop on over whenever you want... and I'll be doing the same.
Brenda
CG, It appears he feels the same about you. Share your feelings, be honest with him. Honesty & openness is essential for a healthy relationship. Bill & I have been married 31+ years. While I have a lot of trust issues, I don't with him. Communication leads to trust and that grows love & loyalty.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you are a smart girl. Follow your heart, but think things through. You have to know yourself to be able to be real with others. Writing it out is wise.
I am here if you need someone to listen...
McGuffy Ann
http://www.mcguffysreader.blogspot.com
PS...ms TwoShoes & I are close. ;-)