Moving..

Five months... that's how much longer I have in this state if I am lucky! I have never been more excited for anything in my life!! I feel terrible because that would mean leaving N behind but I've wanted this for a very long time, and I have always been told not to change my life around for a guy... I mean it will suck, but if he wants to.. once I get settled in and we see how things would work, he is more than welcome to come follow me.. when he is ready. But I would feel so bad, I know for a fact he doesn't want to leave this state.. and Kansas (which is where I am moving to) is like 13 hours away from where we live.. I KNOW that man does NOT want to move 13 hours away from his family. I know because he has told me over and over and over again that he doesn't want to leave.

I won't lie I feel really confused.. I had planned on moving after Spring semester for months now.. and then I met N. And he is sweet, and kind, and generous, and amazing.. and I wasn't supposed to get attached to anyone. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone, I wasn't supposed to fall for him... and now.. now I have to pick between my dream and the man I have fallen for..? Why is this fair???? I've talked to him quite a few times about it and he says that I should go, he says he  knows it's what I want but that he really doesn't want me to go. He says he won't beg me to stay, that it's not fair to me... but part of me wants me to stay for him...???? And I really really don't get that.. I want to move. I want to get out of this state.. I want to leave.. and start over and live a life that I've always wanted to live.. I just don't know what to do?? I wasn't supposed to get attached, and honestly my plan was to not talk to anyone, meet anyone, date anyone or be with anyone... ugh!!! What the heck???