Scariest Story I've Ever Told

This is a story I have been meaning to tell for a long time, to someone, anyone that will listen. I've never shared the whole story, it's going to be long and it will not be pleasant..

It started on a cold cold cold day in January of 2011, it was a Saturday and for once I had the weekend off of work! I was so excited, at this time I was living back at home with my mom, and I had convinced her to let me stay the weekend with my boyfriend at the time. If you have read any of my other stories you know he beats me, by this time I knew how he was and had already been to the hospital quite a few times.. just couldn't get out of it. Anyways, I was so excited! I was going to do whatever it took to make this boy happy, I would not mess up this weekend, he would be happy and I would be the perfect girlfriend he always wanted and I could never be!

It started snowing that Friday morning and to everyone's excitment school was cancelled! We got to go home early!! I was so happy me and J drove to his house and we spent the afternoon cuddling and watching movies, I was the perfect girlfriend, got him something to drink when he wanted it, snacks when he wanted it, other things when he wanted it! What I thought was the picture perfect girlfriend, only later did I find out I was wrong. I made him and his mom the perfect dinner and everything was wonderful, or so I thought...

Saturday came around and I was making him breakfast in bed like I always did when I stayed at his house. That's what he liked.. blueberry waffles, toast, an egg overeasy, a glass of no pulp orange juice, and his syrup warmed to the perfect temperature. He was clearly a very picky guy. Anyways I took him up his breakfast and once again I thought I had done everything right, been the perfect girlfriend he wanted me to be! I couldn't be happier.. as the day went on I noticed a slight change in him. His mom, who had left to go to his brothers earlier that day, had called and said that she would not be coming home that day. That pushed him over the edge, he wanted his mother to come home, I knew right then that something was wrong. I tried to talk to him and he hit me, wasn't a punch, more like a slap, right in the face.. it knocked me to the ground. I started crying which I knew would only upset him more, he hated when I cried. It showed weakness as he would tell me.

So as I cower on the ground trying to be as small as possible he starts kicking me, over and over and over again. Finally when he stops he makes me get up and sit in one of the chairs and he makes me tell him what I did. My mind is blown, I couldn't tell you, I have no idea what I did wrong. He didn't like that. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and said he was going to pull every time I got it wrong harder and harder until he pulled it all out if he had to. Still I had no idea, I guessed everything under the sun as to why this boy was mad at me. Of course I got it wrong, he was mad because I burnt his waffles, and the day before his drink wasn't cold enough, and I was taking too much time in the kitchen to get snacks. We probabaly sat at the kitchen table for four hours going round and round, he had me confess over and over and over again that I was an awful girlfriend.

When he was finally done yelling at me he said he had to go to the bathroom. He got up and walked out. I decided this was it! I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get away from him, I had to leave him, I couldn't let him do this to me anymore. Sadly I had to walk past the bathroom to get to the door, I tip-toed down the hallway, walking ever so carefully that he wouldn't hear me! He did, he opened the door just as I was passing the bathroom and trying to get my shoes on. He once again grabbed my hair and pulled me into the living room, he pushed me down by the back of the neck and yelled at me, the whole time I was yelling "Let me go, I hate you, I'm leaving you." I tried to curl up in a ball thinking he was going to kick me while I was down like he usually did. That wasn't the case.. instead he left. I was so confused by this, why did he leave? Better yet, where did he go and when will he be back?

To my horror he had gone into his room to get his dad's Bersa .380 Auto (That's a gun btw).. I hated that thing, I hated that he kept it in his room, and I hate that it was always loaded. He held it by my head, not quite pointing it at me, but close enough so I knew what he meant by holding it there. He asked me one question.. "So, you think you're going to leave me?" I was scare shitless, I've never been more terrified in my life. He was going to shoot me, he was going to blow my head off.

I told him yes, I couldn't do this anymore. I had spent all weekend trying to please him and it had never worked, nothing I did was good enough. In all honesty, I'm not sure where the balls that I had suddenly grew came from. I've never stood up for myself to him like that.. What in the hell was I thinking??? He laughed in my face, I was stuck. He knew it, and I knew it. I was foolish to think otherwise. He wasn't letting me go anywhere and I knew.

I started crying as he held the end of the gun to my head and took the safety off. I couldn't even see straight I was so scared. He told me I was worthless, no one would love me, no one cared about me. He was all I had. He told me I would never leave him and that if I thought otherwise I could walk out that door, but the bullet would reach my head before I could reach the door. I knew he wasn't kidding, I could see it in his eyes. He then made me beg for my life. He made me tell him how much I needed him, how I couldn't survive without him, how my life revolved around him and God put me on this Earth to please him. (I know that's not the case now, and I'm doing a lot better now, but I still have a lot of problems.)

The groveling probably went on for a good hour before I recieved a phone call, it was my mother, my dad was in the hospital because he slipped and fell on some ice and jacked up his knee. He needed someone to take him home and she was going to be leaving for work and couldn't. I told her okay, I looked at J and said I had to go, it was a family matter. In this he couldn't say no and he knew he couldn't, but you can bet he reminded me.

I left, and as I'm sure you remember it had snowed and stormed. The roads were terrible, and I was upset and driving so fast. All the things J had said to me were going through my head and I couldn't help but to think about how right he was. (By this time I was depressed but hadn't gone to talk to anyone or seen a shrink.) I started driving faster, I was coming up to some curves I knew I should slow down for, I didn't. I was probably going 70-75 when I smashed my car into a tree. I don't remember much after that, but I didn't get too terribly hurt, a concussion and a bunch of bruises.. That was the moment I realized I was going so fast because I wanted to die. 

At this point in my life I didn't feel like life was worth living. I didn't think I would ever be able to get away from J, and honestly, he had me believing that what he was saying was true. I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this, but don't ever let someone tell you that you aren't worth anything. Don't ever let some guy control you to the point where you want to end your life. You just read my story, you know that I mean it when I say I understand. Even if I don't know you, I think you are important, and I think you mean something.